“Well, that’s true.”

A couple weeks ago I was rehashing a conversation with some coworkers at MU when a coworker told me that if I kept baking like that I could get a husband. Almost everyone shared my sentiment that, while meaning well, it was kind of a bizarre thing to be told.

Except for one . . .

Bear chimed in without missing a beat amidst the other balking to say, “Well, that’s true.”

Good to know. (And those were mix brownies. I can’t imagine what I could acquire now that I bake cookies from scratch–perhaps a husband and a dog?)

“I don’t need to weed them.”

Bear’s take on weeding graphic novels that live on the main floor of my previous place of employ: “I don’t need to weed them because when they’re unhappy here they leave.”

(Unfortunately, the graphic novel collection has a habit of “walking” out of the library instead of being properly checked out. I guess it could be worse–DVDs could be walking out instead. . . .)

Clearly, whoever has been helping the graphic novels find a happier home knows how much they save by using the library every month thanks to the Library Savings Calculator.

“Not when it’s on your computer.”

Overheard while walking home from work ahead of two gentlemen speaking rather loudly:

Man 1: “It’s too bad they can’t just tilt Manhattan off its slant so that it lines up with the vertical axis.”

Man 2: “They do that with maps when it’s just the island.”

Man 1: “Yeah but not when it’s with other places.”

Man 2: “Well, you can turn the map.”

Man 1: “Not when it’s on your computer.”

Word.

“Did the elf have to die?”

Miss Print: “This guy is having problems with the printer.”

Bear: “Okay. First thing we have to do is kill the elf that lives in the printer.”

[Bear walks off to deal with printer problem]

Later . . .

Miss Print: “Did the elf have to die?”

Bear: “Of course. The elves always have to die. Why would you ask such a question?”

Miss Print: “I like elves.” [It’s true.]

“The patron is always right.”

The other day “The Bear” was fielding a phone call from a patron. The patron said she was ten years old but Bear remained uncertain. This conversation took place after he hung up with her:

Bear: “There’s no good way to tell a patron you think they’re lying on the phone.”

Miss Print: “The patron is always right.”

Bear: “What if they’re sacrificing a kitten?”

Miss Print: “Especially then.”

“F*** Subtitles.”

Watched How the West Was Won in its entirety for the first time. It was awesome! Especially a scene toward the end where George Peppard is negotiating with a delegation of Arapaho (I believe) Indians.

Miss Print: “This is what I like about old movies. No subtitles. They’re just like f*** subtitles.”

Mom: “You’re right. When we’d watch them when we were little we’d always ask Grampa what they were saying. And he’d make it up.”

Miss Print: “It’s like they’re saying, ‘We don’t need no stinking subtitles.'”

“Your hands tell a different story

Bear was recently cat sitting:

Bear: “At first the cat didn’t like me, but she came around.”

Miss Print: “What about the scratches on your hands? You say she likes you but your hands tell a different story.”

Bear: “Those are old scratches.”

Miss Print: “What about that red one there?”

Bear: “. . . That is a new one.”

“No. They literally give me their garbage.”

Talking to my mom after work:

Miss Print: “I’m tired of people giving me their garbage at work.”

Mom: “People you work with?”

Miss Print: “No. Patrons.”

Mom: “Well, that’s just part of your job. Just don’t fixate on it.”

Miss Print: . . . “No. They literally give me their garbage. To throw out for them.”

Mom: “Oh! That’s disgusting.”

Miss Print: “Yeah. They give me the reserve slips from their books all crumbled up and ask me to throw them out. Where else would that ever be acceptable?”

Mom: “Nowhere. Say no. Tell them there are garbage pails all around the library.”

Miss Print: “People get really annoyed when I do that.”

“He’s so much more.”

I’m just going to say it, I’m not a big fan of Philip Pullman or “His Dark Materials.” It’s a long, complex thing which I’ll get into if I ever review the books. But for now, just let it be said before I begin this anecdote related to the movie version of The Golden Compass.

Miss Print [holding up DVD case for said movie]: “Do you know what the best part of this movie was?”

Bear: “The ending?”

Miss Print: “No. That would be Sam Elliott.”

Lisa: “Who?”

Bear: “He played the cowboy.” (AKA Lee Scoresby–the best part of the entire book trilogy.)

Miss Print [stunned]: “You don’t know Sam Elliott?”

Lisa: “He’s an old guy right?”

Miss Print: “He’s so much more.”

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Sam Elliott is amazing–if you don’t know who he is, you’re missing out. He once said he didn’t want to be known as a sex symbol, because there was a stigma attached to that, and he’d rather just be a Sam Elliott. And, really, he’s the best Sam Elliott ever (and a cowboy, and awesome . . . *stops gushing*).

“Do teens today know who Jennifer Grey is?”

Conversation with a friend while I worked on my booktalk of My Big Nose (and Other Natural Disasters)

Miss Print: “Do teens today know who Jennifer Grey is?”

CC: “I don’t know who that is. Should I feel bad?”

Miss Print: “Yes. But your not knowing her answers that question. She was in Dirty Dancing.”

CC: “Ooooooh! I do know her!”

Miss Print: “But if you don’t know her name it’s not worth mentioning in my booktalk.”