The library’s holiday party was yesterday. My contribution to the festivities was not this cool cake (my supervisor brought that):


Instead, much to the chagrin of just about everyone except “Julie,” I brought a large number of fun size bags of Cheez-its. (Julie actually likes Cheez-its and thought it was a great party item, huzzah.) Why I brought them is a long story, why everyone was shocked and dismayed is shorter and more interesting to explain.

For the past two years I have brought brownies to the library’s big deal Halloween party. Everyone loves them and says they are the best brownies ever, which is one of the most amusing things in the entire world given how I make them so easily. So, lots of people were disappointed that I brought crackers instead of a baked item.

I first became aware of this when, below my declaration on the staff sign up that I would bring “lots of Cheez-its” I saw someone had written “Cheez-its?!!” The punctuation seemed to indicate a certain level of dismay. The handwriting seemed to implicate “Ralph.”

Being the person I am, I of course felt compelled to call Ralph out on this commentary, asking what was so bad about Cheez-its. His response:

“Cheez-its are fine, but I was so surprised that you were bringing them. That’s like the Queen Mother saying she’s bringing nachos funyuns.” [Thanks to jennylish for the correction!]

Clearly, I am amazing since even when I’m being insulted for my party contributions it turns into a compliment.